These are not people I think are terrible or monumentally untalented. That would be a very long list indeed (Hi, Adam Sandler!). No, these are hugely popular entertainers that just leave me scratching my head as to just WHY they are considered wonderful. I've tried them and was just plain underwhelmed. It may be them, it may be me, it may be the power of effective marketing for everyone else. I just don't know.
1. Garth Brooks
Biggest selling solo artist of all time (and probably will be forever, with the way the album is declining). I am utterly mystified as to why. He has a few catchy melodies here and there but not one song that makes me even want to download it by itself, much less buy a zillion of his albums. Chris Gaines had a decent song but that's as close as it gets for me. Garth lovers will make me sit down as they say, "You obviously haven't heard THIS song!" and invariably they play "The Thunder Rolls." Zzzzzzzzzzz. The lyrics are somewhat above average but it has not a single innovative note. Even if it were phenomenal, would that justify the rest of his success? I also don't like his obsession with being the biggest selling solo artist of all time. He has been see-sawing with Elvis Presley at the top for a few years. Whenever The King passes him, he releases a newly reshuffled greatest hits CD to edge back ahead. Hopefully, Elvis' label will return the favor! Also, deep down he's a rock 'n' roller and he seems to be parodying country on half his songs. On hits like "Three of Kind, Workin' on a Full House" and "Friends In Low Places," he affects such an over-the-top twang that I can't believe anyone would think he's playing it straight. I'm not a country hater. I own dozens of country albums. I just don't get Garth's awesomeness.
2. Johnny Depp
He's a great actor. But he isn't the greatest, not even of his generation. And Jack Sparrow? Any of a hundred actors could have done a drunken, sexually ambiguous swagger for seven hours. How that performance - out of all his excellent work - gets singled out as brilliant is beyond my comprehension (and Depp's, too, I'd imagine). It's mildly amusing but it's not hilarious by any stretch. My wife would also like to add that she is absolutely lost as to why women find him irresistible. She thinks he looks "greasy" and needs a serious scrubbing with disinfectant.
To Be Continued...
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
My Favorite Fast Food Hamburgers
These are the classic flagship sandwiches of each burger joint (Whopper, Big Mac, etc.) They are also limited to the choices in the North Alabama market.
1. Double with Cheese (Wendy's)
Best meat in the business. Everyone else can go home. Seriously. It's cooked fresh and hot, hot, hot with a pinch of salt.
2. Six Dollar Burger (Hardee's/Carl's Jr.)
This is an angioplasty waiting to happen. With 1060 calories and 73 grams of fat, it's death between two slices of bread. It's also extremely messy. But, boy, can it be good. The crowning touch? Bread and butter pickles. The only catch: Finding a Hardee's (or Carl's Jr.) that is tolerable and clean enough to order it from. Most are slow and filthy.
3. Whopper with Cheese (Burger King)
Used to be number two back before they pulled a McD's and starting stockpiling patties and nuking them as they went. Half the time it's not nuked enough, either.
4. Cheese Krystals (Krystal)
No one can eat just one. No one.
5. Big Mac (McDonald's)
McDonald's has the least exciting beef around. The only major selling point is the special sauce (which is thousand island dressing with an addictive chemical in it that makes me crave it fortnightly*) and that crucial third bun. Outside of those? Dull as dishwater.
*- Shout out to Mike Myers fans.
1. Double with Cheese (Wendy's)
Best meat in the business. Everyone else can go home. Seriously. It's cooked fresh and hot, hot, hot with a pinch of salt.
2. Six Dollar Burger (Hardee's/Carl's Jr.)
This is an angioplasty waiting to happen. With 1060 calories and 73 grams of fat, it's death between two slices of bread. It's also extremely messy. But, boy, can it be good. The crowning touch? Bread and butter pickles. The only catch: Finding a Hardee's (or Carl's Jr.) that is tolerable and clean enough to order it from. Most are slow and filthy.
3. Whopper with Cheese (Burger King)
Used to be number two back before they pulled a McD's and starting stockpiling patties and nuking them as they went. Half the time it's not nuked enough, either.
4. Cheese Krystals (Krystal)
No one can eat just one. No one.
5. Big Mac (McDonald's)
McDonald's has the least exciting beef around. The only major selling point is the special sauce (which is thousand island dressing with an addictive chemical in it that makes me crave it fortnightly*) and that crucial third bun. Outside of those? Dull as dishwater.
*- Shout out to Mike Myers fans.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
My 25 Favorite Actresses (Current)
I've had this topic on my mind since I saw The Russell Girl on TV a few weeks ago and was blown away by 24-year old Amber Tamblyn, easily one of the best actors of her generation.
These are actresses that have made significant impressions on me with various performances. They are all nearly invariably good and rarely - if ever - turn in a lackluster performance. Even when they are in bad films, they are still good.
In alphabetical order. Sorry, I can't rank 'em! It was hard enough paring it down to 25.
Amy Adams* - Junebug, Enchanted, Doubt, Julie & Julia
Cate Blanchett - The Gift, The Aviator, Elizabeth
Connie Britton - Spin City, Friday Night Lights
Dana Delany - China Beach, Tombstone, Desperate Housewives
Jodie Foster - Silence of the Lambs, Contact, Panic Room
Jennifer Garner* - Alias, 13 Going on 30, Juno
Lauren Graham - Gilmore Girls, Parenthood
Alyson Hannigan* - Buffy, American Pie, How I Met Your Mother
Marcia Gay Harden - Space Cowboys, Pollock, Mona Lisa Smile
Bonnie Hunt - Jumanji, Jerry Maguire, Cheaper by the Dozen
Allison Janney - The West Wing, Juno, The Way Way Back
Ashley Judd - Kiss the Girls, Double Jeopardy, Where the Heart Is
Nicole Kidman - To Die For, The Hours, Cold Mountain
Laura Linney - Mystic River, Kinsey, The Savages
Rachel McAdams - The Notebook, Mean Girls, Red Eye
Mary McDonnell* - Dances with Wolves, Battlestar Galactica
Helen Mirren - Prime Suspect, The Queen
Ellen Page - Hard Candy, X-Men 3, Juno
Gwyneth Paltrow - Shakespeare in Love, Proof, Iron Man
Julia Roberts - Do I really need to list them?
Amber Tamblyn* - Joan of Arcadia, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Emma Thompson* - Howards End, Sense and Sensibility, Wit
Sela Ward* - Sisters, The Fugitive, Once and Again, House M.D.
Kate Winslet - Sense and Sensibility, Titanic, Little Children
Renee Zellweger - Jerry Maguire, Chicago, Cold Mountain
* - Crying Hall of Fame. I can't watch any of these ladies cry without getting at least a little choked up myself.
These are actresses that have made significant impressions on me with various performances. They are all nearly invariably good and rarely - if ever - turn in a lackluster performance. Even when they are in bad films, they are still good.
In alphabetical order. Sorry, I can't rank 'em! It was hard enough paring it down to 25.
Amy Adams* - Junebug, Enchanted, Doubt, Julie & Julia
Cate Blanchett - The Gift, The Aviator, Elizabeth
Connie Britton - Spin City, Friday Night Lights
Dana Delany - China Beach, Tombstone, Desperate Housewives
Jodie Foster - Silence of the Lambs, Contact, Panic Room
Jennifer Garner* - Alias, 13 Going on 30, Juno
Lauren Graham - Gilmore Girls, Parenthood
Alyson Hannigan* - Buffy, American Pie, How I Met Your Mother
Marcia Gay Harden - Space Cowboys, Pollock, Mona Lisa Smile
Bonnie Hunt - Jumanji, Jerry Maguire, Cheaper by the Dozen
Allison Janney - The West Wing, Juno, The Way Way Back
Ashley Judd - Kiss the Girls, Double Jeopardy, Where the Heart Is
Nicole Kidman - To Die For, The Hours, Cold Mountain
Laura Linney - Mystic River, Kinsey, The Savages
Rachel McAdams - The Notebook, Mean Girls, Red Eye
Mary McDonnell* - Dances with Wolves, Battlestar Galactica
Helen Mirren - Prime Suspect, The Queen
Ellen Page - Hard Candy, X-Men 3, Juno
Gwyneth Paltrow - Shakespeare in Love, Proof, Iron Man
Julia Roberts - Do I really need to list them?
Amber Tamblyn* - Joan of Arcadia, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Emma Thompson* - Howards End, Sense and Sensibility, Wit
Sela Ward* - Sisters, The Fugitive, Once and Again, House M.D.
Kate Winslet - Sense and Sensibility, Titanic, Little Children
Renee Zellweger - Jerry Maguire, Chicago, Cold Mountain
* - Crying Hall of Fame. I can't watch any of these ladies cry without getting at least a little choked up myself.
Friday, February 8, 2008
My Favorite U2 Studio Albums
1. Joshua Tree
Not an easy call. After falling in love with the group through the rawness of War and the ethereal soundscape of Unforgettable Fire, this (comparatively) stripped-down pastiche of American styles was an uncomfortable fit and took repeated listenings to even begin to accept beyond the singles. I now even have a fondness for cuts I once detested, like "Bullet the Blue Sky." I still think the second half is relentlessly dark and often repetitive. But the towering greatness of tracks like "Where the Streets Have No Name," "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" (which perfectly captures my spiritual journey), "With Or Without You," and "One Tree Hill" make it utterly indispensible.
2. War
3. Unforgettable Fire
This is as much producer Brian Eno's record as it is U2's. Expansive and deep, his electronic fingerprints are all over it. It has probably the most unified sound of any of their efforts. The meandering, mumbly moments lend it an air of mood music but the fierce clarity of legendary tunes like "Pride," "Wire," and "Bad" snap you right back into the album.
4. How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
5. Achtung Baby
What? Achtung Baby all the way down at 5? Well, I just never got on board when Bono and Edge decided to radically depart from their 80s sounds and subject matter. Supposedly, it's innovative but they were clearly heavily influenced by European dance and industrial. The critics praised it as the second coming of Sergeant Pepper's but I couldn't go there with them.
6. October
7. All That You Can't Leave Behind
Sure, it was their return to radio-friendly rock after two gonzo experimental albums. Well, "rock" may be pushing it. Two thirds of it is lite adult contemporary. After the first three tracks, it bores me to tears with monotonous overlong verses and the residue of disco. "Beautiful Day" is celebratory rock at it's finest. The highlight for me is the majestic "Walk On," one of their greatest songs ever.
8. Boy
9. Pop
10. Zooropa
Not an easy call. After falling in love with the group through the rawness of War and the ethereal soundscape of Unforgettable Fire, this (comparatively) stripped-down pastiche of American styles was an uncomfortable fit and took repeated listenings to even begin to accept beyond the singles. I now even have a fondness for cuts I once detested, like "Bullet the Blue Sky." I still think the second half is relentlessly dark and often repetitive. But the towering greatness of tracks like "Where the Streets Have No Name," "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" (which perfectly captures my spiritual journey), "With Or Without You," and "One Tree Hill" make it utterly indispensible.
2. War
3. Unforgettable Fire
This is as much producer Brian Eno's record as it is U2's. Expansive and deep, his electronic fingerprints are all over it. It has probably the most unified sound of any of their efforts. The meandering, mumbly moments lend it an air of mood music but the fierce clarity of legendary tunes like "Pride," "Wire," and "Bad" snap you right back into the album.
4. How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
5. Achtung Baby
What? Achtung Baby all the way down at 5? Well, I just never got on board when Bono and Edge decided to radically depart from their 80s sounds and subject matter. Supposedly, it's innovative but they were clearly heavily influenced by European dance and industrial. The critics praised it as the second coming of Sergeant Pepper's but I couldn't go there with them.
6. October
7. All That You Can't Leave Behind
Sure, it was their return to radio-friendly rock after two gonzo experimental albums. Well, "rock" may be pushing it. Two thirds of it is lite adult contemporary. After the first three tracks, it bores me to tears with monotonous overlong verses and the residue of disco. "Beautiful Day" is celebratory rock at it's finest. The highlight for me is the majestic "Walk On," one of their greatest songs ever.
8. Boy
9. Pop
10. Zooropa
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